People-pleasing is a pattern of prioritizing others’ needs, thoughts, opinions and feelings over your own. Apologizing or agreeing to avoid conflict, despite not being at fault. Inability to say no or set boundaries, leading to over-commitment even when overwhelmed. Habitually taking responsibility for others’ emotions.
People-pleasing can become a habit, causing your mind to automatically choose to conciliate others. People-pleasers often end up used, taken for granted, or exploited.
People-pleasing is often rooted in a deep-seated fear of rejection. Kids raised in an environment where affection is only given for good behavior, or where praise is tied to big achievements, often think they must do what others ask to ‘earn’ love and respect; whether by being helpful, listening to everything, or behaving according to others’ instructions.
Some people-pleasers even experience a loss of identity, where they don’t understand how they feel, what they like, or what they want to do.
Insomnia driven by the stress of people-pleasing is common. They need to meet others’ expectations which creates anxiety and keeps the brain in an alert state, leading to sleeplessness.
How do I know if I am a people pleaser?
Constantly say yes and find it difficult to say no to anybody.
Always finding it difficult to reject requests because they feel bad about disappointing others.
Tend to apologize for things you didn’t do just to keep the peace.
Go with the flow of the people around you and don’t worry about how you actually feel.
You tend to feel worried and guilty when others are unhappy, often trying to fix the situation.
You frequently seek external validation in the form of praise and approval.
Constantly worrying about others makes it difficult for them to focus on their own tasks.
Internalizing others’ stress and trying to solve everyone’s problems often leaves people feeling mentally drained.
Is there any way to stop pleasing people?
Yes, you can stop pleasing people by practicing self-care and self-awareness.
Learn to Say “No”. Politely refuse if you do not want to do something. Stop over-explaining.
Prioritize your own values and thoughts over the expectations of those around you.
Showing love, care, and respect to someone is great, but they should also value your feelings in return. First, you have to respect your own feelings for others to do the same.
It is not bad to help others; however, you should understand your own needs and limits with theirs.
Do not take responsibility for a mistake you didn’t make.
Don’t try to please everyone; you’ll only end up making yourself miserable.
Commit to the tasks you can manage without feeling overloaded or overwhelmed.
It’s okay if you can’t do it. Don’t push yourself too hard.
Never lose yourself trying to find others.